JOKES

• I used to hate weddings, Grandmas would come up to me and say "you're next", they stopped when I began coming up to them at funerals saying, "you're next!"

• Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution!!

• Old lady says to her hubby,"My nipples are as hot today as they was 50 years ago" Hubby replies,"Ought-ta be. One's in your coffee the other's in your porridge.

• came out of a chippy eating fish and chips a tramp said to me " I haven't had anything to eat for 5 days" so I said to her "I wish I had your will power!"

• wife says to husband What would u do if i won lotto? Husband says I'd take half & leave.. wife says Excellent !! I've just won $10! here's 5 now fuck off.

• Man says to wife i showed them my chest and got my pension! wife says back you should of pulled down your trousers and got us disability allowance!!!